Home About Me Transition Body Art Pictures Site Map Updates Contact Me Search Donate

location:  Transition  >  Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)  >  Transitioning Process  >  General Transitioning Process Questions 1. How did you know transitioning was right for you? 2. How were you influenced in your decision to transition by being in a community with individuals who were also transitioning? 3. Where did you find all of your information to start transitioning? 4. How did you get started transitioning? 5. What are the requirements for testosterone and the various transitioning procedures? 6. How do I go about finding a therapist to talk about maybe wanting to transition or to get my letters? 7. I’m only [young age], am I old enough to really know I am transgender or want to transition? 8. Will transitioning solve all of my problems? 9. I want to transition, but I have fears about losing my family, job, partner, etc. or worry that no one will love me after I transition – how did you handle these fears? 10. Were you ever extremely depressed about not being accepted by certain people or the very long road of transitioning? 11. How important is passing? / How can I pass better as a guy? 12. I don’t have (or am too young to have) a credit card – how can I buy a binder or packer online? 13. How do you deal with going into “male-only” spaces (eg. restrooms) before starting medical transition? 14. When in a men’s restroom, should I be worried about other men seeing my feet pointing forwards in the stall? 15. Should I transition while in school or after I’m done with school and out working? 16. Has your transition affected you professionally? 17. Has there been anything about your transition that you have been disappointed or surprised about? 18. Are there any other ways besides transitioning that could make you feel like you were in the right body? What might you do if transitioning weren't an option or even a possibility? 19. Do trans people ever feel like a part of them no longer exists, or do they ever miss who they were before? 20. Have you every had any housing problems because of being trans? 1. How did you know transitioning was right for you? In all honesty, I didn’t. I knew that I was uncomfortable in my body and the gender role assigned to me at birth, and I knew that transition would change that. It just seemed like the most logical thing to do to help fix what I saw as being wrong. Whatever “hesitations” I had about transitioning were due to fear of the unknown. Sure, I knew the physical effects of taking testosterone and the various surgical procedures available to FTMs, but the truly long-term effects cross-sex hormone use still remain largely unknown. Despite this, I chose to pursue transition, because they were risks I was (am) willing to take to align my body and mind. 2. How were you influenced in your decision to transition by being in a community with individuals who were also transitioning? There is definitely a hierarchy within the trans community among people who decide to transition and those who do not. It’s very difficult, but extremely important, to examine your own feelings and differentiate them from the pressure to transition, coming both from the trans community itself (stemming from that hierarchy) and society in general (which undoubtedly values heteronormativity). I tried to be aware of these pressures and critically examine my gender identity, sex identity, gender presentation, and most importantly any discrepancies between how I saw myself and how I physically existed. I didn’t transition because it would be easier to exist in society or because I was pressured to by the post-transition trans community. I decided to transition because my internal sense of self was not congruent with my exterior body – changing my body to that of a male’s has only positively influenced the way I see myself and my being comfortable in my own skin. 3. Where did you find all of your information to start transitioning? I found the vast majority of my information online, mostly from LiveJournal communities and the Yahoo Group ftmsurgeryinfo. 4. How did you get started transitioning? I picked up the phone and made my first therapy appointment. Seeing a therapist to talk about the possibility of transitioning is a great first step for anyone even considering it. Just making the first phone call to my therapist and the first phone call to the endocrinologist to start testosterone have been by far the most difficult parts of transitioning. 5. What are the requirements for testosterone and the various transitioning procedures? The WPATH/Harry Benjamin Standards of Care were written with the goal of providing flexible guidelines for the treatment of people with Gender Identity Disorder (GID), as defined by the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM). They are intended to be used as guidelines only, but many therapists, doctors, and surgeons follow them as absolute. The Standards of Care (SOC) document located here [.pdf] explains how many months of therapy and/or real-life experience and what kinds of letters are recommended to start testosterone therapy and to have surgeries. 6. How do I go about finding a therapist to talk about maybe wanting to transition or to get my letters? Utilize whatever resources you can find: the internet, trans-related conferences, other GLBT people, even the phonebook! The internet and phonebook can be used to find a listing of therapists in your area, then look to see if there is description of what they specialize in. GLBT issues are commonly among the list of “specialties” a therapist might list, but just because it is listed doesn’t mean they are fully versed in trans-related issues or letter-writing. On your first call to them, make sure to ask if they have the credentials to write you a letter so you don’t spend 3-6 months with them then find out later that they do not. Often at trans conferences you can find a listing of trans-friendly therapists/doctors or someone in your region that can give you advice. 7. I’m only [young age], am I old enough to really know I am transgender or want to transition? Personally, I believe you are never too young to feel uncomfortable in the body in which you were born or the gender you were assigned. More important than your age is how aware/educated you are about the permanent changes that occur with transitioning (some effects of testosterone, mastectomy, hysterectomy, etc.). An explanation of the reversible and non-reversible effects of testosterone can be found here. 8. Will transitioning solve all of my problems? Most likely no. However, many people become more confident in themselves after transitioning, because they finally feel true to themselves. While it certainly won’t directly solve your other problems, if transitioning is what you need to do to become comfortable in yourself, then it may make tackling these other concurrent problems more manageable. 9. I want to transition, but I have fears about losing my family, job, partner, etc. or worry that no one will love me after I transition – how did you handle these fears? Fears of losing what we love are common among transpeople, and I am no different. Eventually, the need to transition became the most pressing need in my life, and at that point the risk of losing what I loved became worth the possibility of learning to love myself. I realized that in order to truly love others or give myself fully to a partner or a job, I must first be able to love myself – and I needed to transition to do that. 10. Were you ever extremely depressed about not being accepted by certain people or the very long road of transitioning? Yes, there were times I would get very down about the prospect of ever having enough money for surgeries or the fear of never finding someone to love me. I think these are common worries among most transpeople at one point or anther. To get through it, I took one day at a time, making conscious choices that would save me money (buy generic instead of namebrand, not going out to eat, etc.) or improve my relationship with my family (keeping them informed, giving them resources, being willing to answer their questions thoughtfully and calmly and not being reactive if they said/did something offensive/ignorant, etc.). It took a good 5-7 years before things really started coming together, but it was worth the day-by-day approach. 11. How important is passing? / How can I pass better as a guy? Passing is a great feeling, because it is when the external world is recognizing and validating your internal sense of identity. I passed pretty well before medically transitioning, until I would speak. Medically transitioning made passing easier and more natural, because I was able to fully express myself and still be recognized as male. There are many very good websites about how to pass, check out the links here. 12. I don’t have (or am too young to have) a credit card – how can I buy a binder or packer online? Set up a bank account, then sign up for PayPal and enter your bank account information. Using PayPal allows you to buy things online and pay directly from your bank account, bypassing the need for an actual credit card. If you are underage, you can do the same thing, but be aware that some banks may require someone over 18 to “co-sign” for a bank account (and then the co-signer would have access to you bank statements and be able to see what you purchased). Some banks do not require a co-signer and then only you will have access to your money and bank statements – call the banks in your area before starting the process to find one that does not require a co-signer. 13. How do you deal with going into “male-only” spaces (eg. restrooms) before starting medical transition? My technique was just to never speak and never make eye contact with anyone, which before starting testosterone would surely have caused someone to question me. Especially in restrooms, if you don’t make eye contact with anyone, guys won’t say anything to you. If they do, just nod, do your business, and leave. Guys aren’t typically confrontational in the restroom. They are there to do their business and leave, just like you. 14. When in a men’s restroom, should I be worried about other men seeing my feet pointing forwards in the stall? Absolutely not, there is nothing to be worried about. No one is going to suspect that you are a transman, just because they see your feet facing forward (and thus know you are sitting) in the stall. Remember that they are in the restroom to do THEIR business, not to evaluate yours. They will most likely assume that you have just as much of a right to be in the men’s restroom as they do – in fact, they probably won’t even notice your feet, because all men have to sit at some point to defecate. If by chance they do notice, that’s likely what they’ll assume you are doing. If you are uncomfortable, just wait until no one is in the restroom before coming out of the stall. Once you are at the sink, anybody else entering won’t know if you came from a stall or a urinal. 15. Should I transition while in school or after I’m done with school and out working? Personally, I think transitioning while in school is probably easier than transitioning in the workplace. As a student, you often have access to resources (therapists, doctors, etc.) for free or minimal charge. You also have different classes every semester with (usually) a new and different composition of students; this is in contrast to transitioning in the workplace where the same set of co-workers can more easily notice the changes slowly taking place. In addition, as a student you may be able to take out additional loans to cover living expenses or medical expenses relating to transition. This, of course, is my opinion, and I transitioned while in undergraduate college. 16. Has your transition affected you professionally? I am still in graduate school to become a veterinarian, so I haven’t yet been in the actual work field of my profession. When my classmates found out, it apparently “spread like wildfire” without me even knowing it – no one said anything to me directly. I have heard from various friends of stories where people said (behind my back) that they just “couldn’t get [their] head around it” or “can you believe he’s a transsexual?!” I don’t know if when people are rude or short to me at school if it is due to them being transphobic, or if they are just more concerned with themselves. I have high hopes for the profession as a whole. 17. Has there been anything about your transition that you have been disappointed or surprised about? The very long road of recovery from surgeries has been surprising. When researching various surgeries online and reading about other people’s experiences, it seems like after 3-6 months, most are completely healed and back to their normal life. For whatever reason, I’ve had some kind of complication from most of my surgeries, requiring either a revision or an extended healing period. I assumed I would heal like most everyone else, and when I didn’t, that was both disappointing and surprising. 18. Are there any other ways besides transitioning that could make you feel like you were in the right body? What might you do if transitioning weren't an option or even a possibility? Once I got over the fear of transitioning, simply because it was traveling into the unknown, I knew it was not an option; it was something I had to do. I’d like to think there was another way besides transitioning, but I honestly don’t think there was. Especially after being as far into transition as I am now, and considering how much happier I am than pre-transition, I can’t imagine any other alternative. If transitioning weren’t a possibility, I’m sure I’d make it through, but I do fear how my mental health would hold up. 19. Do trans people ever feel like a part of them no longer exists, or do they ever miss who they were before? I’m sure there are some trans people who regret transitioning, but by far most trans people flourish in their chosen gender. I have never once regretted my decision to transition. However, life as a man is definitely very different than life as a woman. In transitioning, I gave up the inherent trust that women have in each other – for example, when I am walking alone on the sidewalk at dusk, a woman coming the other way may cross the street before passing me. The biological effects of testosterone undoubtedly changes your brain chemistry, and in this way I gave up any (remaining) ability to multitask (there’s a reason why women are said to be able to multitask better than men!). I could come up with a multitude of other things that have changed, for good and for bad, due to transitioning, and all of these things are different for every person. 20. Have you every had any housing problems because of being trans? No, I have been very lucky in that sense. In undergraduate college, I lived in a LGBTQA-safe dorm housing, which was suite-style so bathrooms were also not an issue. Since then, I have lived either by myself, with a friend who knew I am trans, or with my partner.